what are you so afraid of...?

im soo bored right now...im going to update this for the like 2nd or 3rd time today. i have alot on my mind...i think. well i was supposed to go over to maritas house but i dont have a clue where my mom is because she doesnt answer her phone. soo not sure im gonna get to go over there because it depends what time she gets back. this sucks because i miss her. alot. i was just reading her old mindsay--the last time she updated it was like august 22--and things have changed so much...

things arent different between her and i when we're together its just we're not together alot anymore. i read a couple of the last entries and it was like sam and me, me and sam, went over sams today, me and sam are going to philly...and so on. in the last two years this has happened to us right when school starts, the last time we talked about it we decided we get too caught up in different things. the summer...

was so care free...woah we had such a great summer. we made so many great memories that im deffinetly never going to forget, and i know she wont either. things will get back to the way they were...they always do. i just feel like right now theres nothing i can do about it to make it better. marita is my best friend i ever had and ever will have--we concluded this :) remember that? miss you sweety.

then theres this other thing i was thinking about. i dont know, like where people stand. i used to think i did but ive been wondering about that lately. im not a  mind reader haha i guess i just need people to spell things out for me.

my mom called me alittle while ago. shes at my daddys development showing houses or something because its busy as hell. i miss my dad he comes home like next weekend. anyway...talking to my mom...so on, so on...i dont want a broken one. enough said.

i guess maybe im just not something worth holding on to...and after while its just nothing new. your so fucking special, i wish i was fucking special.<--thats some song i like, it just fits there aha. :) well we'll see i guess. maybe im wrong, im not sure.

--i love you-- Samantha